tolaywaste: ▶ x-kid will do this for you mom (╳ then he cries; he screams saying)
Alex «Havok» Summers ([personal profile] tolaywaste) wrote2013-05-11 12:54 am

10. » private/video

for ben

[His posture says it all: concerned, tense, but not afraid for his own safety. Not afraid at all. He's leaning towards the camera, though, like he can express worry just by being closer.]

Hey, Ben? I'm worried about you. Can you check in with me?

filter: bruce + rorschach + barbara

I'd like to help with Ben. I'm not as good at this as you all are, but point me where you need me and I'm there.

just bruce

Which means you're helping. He's my friend.

for oliver

I need your help with something, if you're willing to give it.

for charles

Check in. Did you hear about Ben?
warisart: (Barcode)

[ Private : Audio on Ben's end until FURTHER NOTICE ]

[personal profile] warisart 2013-05-11 06:16 am (UTC)(link)
I am fine. I was not the one attacked.

[But his voice changes subtly at the assertion of his innocence; along with the strangeness of being framed has come the assumption that it will, ultimately, be successful. And yet...

But as he continues, Ben's voice remains almost casual and definitively calm. The answer to this is simple.
]

That has been true for most of my life. Either they will succeed or they will fail, and I have done all that I can in either case.
warisart: (Pull Away)

[ Private ]

[personal profile] warisart 2013-05-11 06:41 am (UTC)(link)
[There's an involuntary silence on Ben's end as he listens, and for several long moments afterwards; Alex always reminded Ben of Zack, and maybe that's why he wants to trust him so easily, so badly. But now Zack is really here and Ben is remembering other things, remembering that he comes from a world where he doesn't get options and no one wants to be his friend and the only way to be safe is to lose oneself and to be vigilant, alone, kept apart from everyone else out of necessity.

Ben's expression darkens, a sharp stab of the familiar fear making his voice waver - he could be decommissioned for this, he could be sent away, he could be punished in any number of ways and he has a hard time believing that Rhade would be able to stop it if it came to that, no matter how hard Ben tries to be loyal even in his thoughts - despite the fact he's still only audible.
]

Alex, don't. You... it's... [Deep breath. Don't falter.] If someone is targeting me, it is better that it is only me. If they are not, there's no reason to convince them that you are enough of a threat to be neutralized by any means whatsoever.
warisart: (Devious)

[ Private ]

[personal profile] warisart 2013-05-11 07:24 am (UTC)(link)
[It's easier to think right now when Alex's voice lowers, although that doesn't help Ben with the context of the words he's saying. Friends, yes, Ben understands that as best he can - but Alex is talking about family now, and there's a disconnect there that is solely Manticore's responsibility.

Friends. He's still finding out what that means in practical application rather than only definition, and right now it's alarming him despite Alex's reassurances.
]

Will it change anything?
warisart: (Uncertain)

[ Private ]

[personal profile] warisart 2013-05-12 04:59 am (UTC)(link)
[Ben is used to that; he doesn't, exactly, blame them for assuming he's done this. It's what he was made for, he knows that he would if it became the practical solution to a given problem, but there's no reason for this attack. Kozak hasn't done anything at all to anyone as far as Ben can tell, and he's Rhade's friend.

He'd have to have expectations to be angry on his own behalf; he doesn't. And he doesn't have the words to explain to Alex why this is all so unnerving for him, why - especially knowing that Zack is within reach, that he's here - hearing that he'll be kept safe makes him more anxious.

He doesn't reply to anything Alex has just said, but some of the stiffness is rubbing out of his voice, beginning to crack and show the boy underneath, when he does speak.
] My warden has assigned himself and two others - Captain Dylan Hunt and Emil Blonsky - to a rotating schedule for guard duty, with myself as the subject. Gaheris is with me now.

If this is acceptable, I'd... like to speak with you. Not over the network.
warisart: (Muse)

[ Private ]

[personal profile] warisart 2013-05-12 05:05 am (UTC)(link)
I know of him.

[Because what else is there to do after a long day of learning to be normal but stalk the network and keep tabs on as many people as Ben can cram into his head? That's right, not a lot.

All the attention, though, it makes Ben's skin crawl. He neither agrees outright nor refuses, though he hesitates before continuing.
]

I am attempting to stay in my cabin as much as possible, for several reasons. You may come any time.

[. . .] I have chairs, now. Sir.
warisart: (Lost Puppy)

[ Spam ]

[personal profile] warisart 2013-05-12 05:31 am (UTC)(link)
[Ben doesn't bother replying, filling his time instead by giving Rhade a warning that Alex is coming, that it's okay with him. His new room does indeed have two chairs and it also usually has whatever assortment of his belongings he's dabbling with for the day stacked in neat, ever-moving piles easily within range throughout the room. Even in his old barracks-style cabin this had been true.

For now he's packed it all - books, CDs, radio, sketchpad, art supplies, chess set - into a compact, deliberate pile in the corner near the closet, out of the way. He's there to meet Alex at the door, leaves it to his friend to close behind him as Ben himself moves back into the room.

His body language matches his voice: militantly rigid, deliberate and efficient, and somehow... the heaviness is not uncharacteristic. It's simply not been a part of his personality for the past several months and thus had no place in his muscles and bones.
]

Thank you for coming.
warisart: (Manticore)

[ Spam ]

[personal profile] warisart 2013-05-12 05:52 am (UTC)(link)
[Ben still isn't very consistent on hospitality - when he remembers it, he's still awkward and stiff, but he's aware of it anyway, sometimes. He doesn't invite Alex to sit down but it's okay anyway despite the fact that Ben himself doesn't settle just yet.

Safe, yes, as safe as he's ever been, but not exactly sound; he can feel the hairline fractures at the edges of his thoughts and that as much as anything terrifies him, because he knows what comes next if they get too wide, too deep. He's paced this room several times, evident in the thoughtless way he avoids the bed, the nightstand, and the other chair without having to look.

He's glancing back at Alex, brown eyes still bright but more distant than he's been recently. Ben doesn't know what to do with any of this. At all.
]

You understand how dangerous this situation could become if it were to be properly ignited.
warisart: (Road Turns Down)

[ Spam ]

[personal profile] warisart 2013-05-12 06:13 am (UTC)(link)
...No. But I will try. [It's the honest answer, a blunt admission rather than any kind of rebuttal; he didn't expect to be heeded. He never does. It's been a long time since anyone listened to him, took his advice and his opinion seriously.

He's been a liability for years.

Here and now, though, he barely has the words. Taking a deeper breath, Ben lets it out slowly and makes another pass by the bed, eyes front and center. He's calm, but it only runs surface deep.
]

I don't see how this is necessary. Either the other passengers will believe I did nothing and there is no need for punishment, or they won't and they will exact it. Either way it will not change my presence here, and the likelihood of a single assailant being able to best me is... slim.
warisart: (Lost Puppy)

[ Spam ]

[personal profile] warisart 2013-05-12 06:48 am (UTC)(link)
[Ben, vigilant and intelligent and learning how to read Alex, specifically, doesn't miss the flinch. He knows instantly what it is even though he'd known weeks ago - Alex is in the same us with Ben, with his family. He is his world's version of Us.

But he listens, silent, and his body language doesn't change except for a very slight increase in agitation. Especially at the last line.
]

That's... what bothers me. More than your mob. [He's afraid of them, too, but it's also a part of his life; if it were the only factor it would have his undivided attention as the most likely threat.

But it's what would cause that selfsame mob, now, that concerns him. He finally stops, looks over.
]

I... don't know what to do.
warisart: (Plea)

[ Spam ]

[personal profile] warisart 2013-05-13 12:46 am (UTC)(link)
Hide.

[His answer isn't quite immediate, but it's sound when he does give it, speaking quietly out of a moment of absolute stillness. His eyes tick up from the floor where they'd fallen and, slowly, around the answer and the slow exhale, the wall Manticore built for him is subtly dissolving.

Which, at this exact moment, lets more of Ben's uncertainty and discomfort show, the slight widening of his eyes, the fact that when he starts pacing again it's with a distinctly nervous kind of energy rather than bland restlessness. By the time he turns and comes back, he's worrying his lower lip with his teeth, an unprecedented tick for his interactions with Alex.

He doesn't have the words for how this feels, but Alex will translate it for him. Alex will understand.
]

It's not safe out here. People can see. People will see. It's never good.
warisart: (Stealth)

[ Spam ]

[personal profile] warisart 2013-05-13 07:49 am (UTC)(link)
[It's not that Ben hasn't recognized what this is; he's too intimately familiar with the slow motion fray, the sudden threshold and the abrupt snap that happens once he's hit it. He knows what happens next and maybe he didn't kill Robert Kozak, maybe enough people believe him that he might slide sideways out of it, but he remembers Doyle's visions and he knows what has happened in the past.

He will kill someone. He knows this, and then everything will be justified, and then he will be decommissioned or worse; this is how it happens, this is the part Zack never understood. How staying around people, how not retreating, can only end in one way.

But he can't retreat here. He has to find a different way, or he'll disappoint everyone, and he will be even less safe than he is now. So, too, may they be.
]

I used to leave the cities. There were numerous abandoned buildings and settlements to be found, and I am trained in basic survival.

It would just... so many people. None of them like me, all of them afraid if they found out. They always did.

But there's nowhere to go, here. [So he's retreated behind the one thing he's been taught is safe his entire life, that he carries with him, so coded into his logic that he hasn't even noticed that it's the same thing that keeps him ostracized: Manticore's training.[
warisart: (Don't Let Them Get Me)

[ Spam ]

[personal profile] warisart 2013-05-14 07:23 am (UTC)(link)
[There's a moment when Ben goes very still - Alex knows about Zack? Zack was never the one to blow their cover, it was always Ben, Ben standing out like a hawk among pigeons, Ben making people nervous because he didn't know how not to, how to be harmless. Ben was always a wolf in wolf's clothing; the rest found their wool.

Then he realizes that it's not necessarily that Alex knows about Zack; he could just mean here on the Barge, not here in the room. Something twists in his chest regardless when, instead of answering, instead of opening his mouth and telling Alex that Zack is here and it hasn't helped, he doesn't know why, he looks down.
]

I don't know. [It's a placeholder, but then Ben looks up again, eyes ticking up without raising his head. More emphatically, he repeats himself, finding it true.] I don't know.

No one listens, no one... [His exhale is shaky, marred with the childhood terror he can't look at without being consumed by it; he's said this before, but it passes under the radar, like so much else that he says. He's never tried to force anyone to look at it. They knew or they never would - he's known for a long time.

It's only a matter of time.
] We don't belong out in the world with other people. The rest of them still found a way.

I didn't. I can't. I'm... [Flawed. Broken. Different somehow.] Being alone in the quiet. Until it's too quiet and too alone.

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