32. » spam & voice, backdated to yesterday

[tolaywaste]

[. . . before the ominous Admiral message.]

So I'm leaving.

[He's leaving for good, and this is voice, not video, for a reason. It's not that he doesn't want to look people in the eye, it's just that he doesn't want them to see how guilty he feels, even now, to be leaving this place behind.]

[Not as bad as he expected, though. Not as bad as it would have been a few months ago. Charles was right: there is a time and a place to take your life back for your own.]

I don't really have anything much to say besides - goodbye, and thanks. To everyone, even the people I never really knew, for making this place livable. Making it home for a while. It'd be hell here without you.

Don't screw each other up too bad.

spam } ben

[But before any of that, he goes to see Ben.]

[This will be the worst of it. This will be the hardest. This is the one he has no choice but to do in person, because if he's going to turn back, this is where he's going to do it.]

[He knocks on Ben's door with his heart in his throat, beating like a jackhammer, and wonders if Ben can hear it. If he'll be concerned before Alex says what he has to say - if he'll think there's something wrong.]

[Alex can't control that one way or another. He can't make this nice. He can pretty much just be honest.]


( ooc; if anyone would like to spam off this post, alex will be in his cabin [6-02] and/or pretty much wherever you want for goodbyes ♥ )

Comments

Spam of Tears

[warisart]

[Ben has been semi-standoffish since the flood, for some reason. Well, for an obvious reason if one thought about it long enough: he absolutely recognized the demeanor of Alex and Anya the moment he came back to himself, and it is only the fact that he's shared memories with them both before, exercised full disclosure about his life there, that keeps him from evading completely.

He's still not happy about it.

Ben is in his room when he hears the knock, turning over in his hands a CD that does not belong to him and he doesn't think he cares for. It's difficult to say, really. Apparently some part of him, somewhere, some when, does or did. The arrival of a visitor is a welcome reprieve, and he stands smoothy from where he'd been sitting cross legged in the middle of a neatly stacked half-circle of cases.

When he opens the door, the quick flash of expressions across his face are subtle, but not for anyone that knows how to see them: he's happy, first, the corners of his mouth twitching; then some part of him notes the obvious tension about his friend, and his eyebrows pull slightly together instead; then he remembers himself and his chin lifts, his spine straightens. He's already stepping back out of the way, returning to a warm-toned greeting and showing nothing else.

He doesn't know if he expects something is wrong. He thinks there might be. He was wrong last time, though, and he does not say anything this time in the event he is wrong again.]

Hello, Alex.

Spam wails preemptively

[tolaywaste]

[The consternation in Ben's face does nothing to make Alex feel any more solid, more secure. His fingers twitch, almost rising to the marks just under his collarbone; but it's enough to know they're there. He is able to take a breath, to become solid ground again for his friend.]

Hi, Ben.

[Don't deny it. Don't prolong it. Don't put it off; it's as bad as lying. Tell him now, then weather it.]

I needed to tell you first. I'm leaving. I'm going home. Today.

Spam WOW STRAIGHT TO THE HEARTBREAK

[warisart]

[He is right this time. Something is wrong. Alex is leaving.

But it's not wrong. It's a good thing. Alex is going home.

Both of these hit Ben at exactly the same time and in between them he is frozen, every muscle in his body going tense and his eyes first narrowing and then going unfocused. Something stings behind the delicate ridge of his nose. The muscles of his cheeks want to smile. He allows neither, and swallows instead.

Alex may become solid ground here, now, but he's leaving. He'll never be there again. He's leaving Ben behind, he's going home, back to his friends, his family, the people he belongs with, and that's excellent, that's all Ben could wish for his friend, that's...]

Oh.

[Ben swallows again, searches the empty hollow and deafening pound of his chest, the excited jump of his stomach, the nauseous twist of his gut for anything at all to say, but when his eyes focus on Alex again they're blurry, he can't seem to get them to clear, and that's all he can think of. Oh.

His hand falls off the doorknob, loose and heavy at his side, and he slides further back, back until he can find something safe, something he understands, which he latches onto with everything he has: his posture straightens, smooths out, correct angles and a detached professionalism. That helps a little, that lets him think, he needs information not emotion, not whatever this is, he needs to know details, that will help. That will let him know what to do, what to say.

His voice is tight and blank, and he hides behind it, trying to find solid ground.] When?

[megamind]

[ Megamind does not do goodbyes over channnels. Not with people he actually gives a damn about. So he packs up a care package -- tools, rehydrated food from Minion, mostly, considering how Alex became his friend in the first place. ]

[ He trots up two levels to knock on his door. ]

[tolaywaste]

[Alex opens it, looking - a little tired. Very ready to leave. Now that it's happening, it doesn't actually feel real.]

[He brightens when he sees Megamind.] Hey, man. [And pulls him into a bracing hug.]

[megamind]

[ Megamind squeaks, and then wiggles an arm free to loop it around Alex. Hi Alex. He will miss you. ]

Hey.

[ He brought things but they're sort of secondary to hugging at the moment. ]

[myresponsibility]

I mean, we'll try our best.

[It's a joke, but, well. You know.]

I've got some stuff for you before you go. It's not like, big or whatever, but. I'll be down in a sec?

[tolaywaste]

[Yeah, he knows. Just laughs because. Shit's gonna happen, but Peter's one of the least likely people he knows to screw somebody up by saying the wrong this.]

[It takes him a little by surprise, but.] Yeah. I'll be here for a while.

[myresponsibility]

Cool.

[So he's signing off and heading down with a box tucked under his arm. He knows he's going to miss Alex, and that it's going to suck not having him around just like it is not having Tim or Snow around, but. It's good that he's going home. It is.

Still, for someone who's historically not had a lot of friends, this is still tough, and Alex had been one of the first.

Knock knock!]

[youwillgotohell]

Goodbye.

[It isn't too much. She knows that this isn't too much to bear, that she will wake up tomorrow the same as she woke up yesterday, that his presence won't factor either way.

But it will, a little. She'll walk past the sunflowers in the greenhouse, and she'll remember that he's gone.

She wants to ask him to say hello to Charles, but a hello isn't enough, and she won't give Alex the thousand questions she would want him to pass on. She doesn't know how to put everything into a few words, but one isn't enough.]

Look after your flower.

[tolaywaste]

[He wants to say I'm sorry. But he also . . . doesn't need to. Not anymore. Something has clicked into place. He knows he doesn't need to be sorry for this. It's not his responsibility to take everyone else's pain on his shoulders.]

[He wonders when that happened.]

I - was gonna keep it in my room. But I don't know. Maybe that's not enough sun.

[She's still smarter than him in so many ways. He wishes he could take her with him to a better place.]

[youwillgotohell]

[Her skin belongs to a woman who only wants to rule a kingdom, and it's getting too small, too tight for the thoughts and feelings welling in her. She has wanted a better place all her life, but she isn't prepared for it yet.

But she might be, soon.]

Plant it outside. With the wind, you may wind up with a field of them.

[semifreakingnormal]

Sorry we didn't get a lacrosse game in first.

I'm really glad you were here, man, Good luck, like - with everything, okay?

[tolaywaste]

No you're not. You're thrilled I didn't get to trash you.

Yeah. Same to you. [He has the bizarre urge to tell Scott not to stay too long; he sees in the other boy the same thing he's unearthed in himself, the need to give until it's too much - but he doesn't. It seems like crossing some sort of boundary that he shouldn't cross.]

Hey, are you - this is a weird question.

Are you going to college? Later. After this.

[semifreakingnormal]

I'm thrilled I didn't have to prove you wrong.

[It's probably for the best - it's something Scott should hear, but in the end, sometimes they need sort things out for themselves. The question takes him by surprise, and he stumbles over an answer.]

I - I dunno, I mean. I haven't really thought about it. I mean, I guess - yeah, I've been, uh. Studying, you know, for the SATs.

[Video]

[mistconduct]

Oh, christ, finally. About time this asshole left.

[But he's grinning, and he's obviously joking]

[Video]

[tolaywaste]

Best thing about leaving is I never have to see your stupid face again.

[imfollowinghim]

[It's not like Bucky knows Alex well, but what he does know? Makes this kind of rough to see.

Still, he definitely isn't holding this against him - the Barge might not be what he's used to, but home is... home. And being away from it for forever is horrible.]

Safe trip home, Summers.

[tolaywaste]

Thanks. I'll try not to accidentally land on the wrong planet.

private

You wanna do me a favor?

[video]

[notsoneedy]

Um, Alex, hi. I know we only talked the once but...you were nice to me, and made me feel kinda relaxed when I was only just starting here.

So good luck? And I'm glad you're going home, to a place that I'm sure misses you.

[video]

[tolaywaste]

Hey, Needy. [He sounds - surprised, and very pleased.] I'm glad. I mean, I'm really glad that I helped.

And thanks for the luck. I think I'm gonna need it.

[godsays]

Could you... tell Charles something?

That I'm doing fine.

[ A beat. ]

It won't be the same here without you.

[tolaywaste]

I was gonna tell him that anyway. But I'll tell him you said it. That'll mean more.

[Alex hesitates, unsure of what to say.]

It'll be all right.

[fireincarnate]

[She thought this was coming, and she knows he should. He's not happy here, not really. He needs his own life back - his own world, his own purpose.

His own family.

So she tries not to look upset, as she smiles at him.]

I'll do my best.

[tolaywaste]

[He can't help but feel bad, even as he knows she'll understand. Jean always understands. Maybe that's a flaw - she's too understanding, too giving. Maybe she gives so much that sometimes she hurts herself.]

[He wouldn't be upset if she was a little mad at him. Just a little.]

I expect a lot of you, y'know. Especially you.