tolaywaste | 10. » private/video

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for ben

[His posture says it all: concerned, tense, but not afraid for his own safety. Not afraid at all. He's leaning towards the camera, though, like he can express worry just by being closer.]

Hey, Ben? I'm worried about you. Can you check in with me?

filter: bruce + rorschach + barbara

I'd like to help with Ben. I'm not as good at this as you all are, but point me where you need me and I'm there.

just bruce

Which means you're helping. He's my friend.

for oliver

I need your help with something, if you're willing to give it.

for charles

Check in. Did you hear about Ben?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Alex pauses. To be straight with him or not - well.]

[It's Alex. Was there ever any choice?]

Yeah, maybe. But you have a barcode on your neck and you've been following my friend Ben around. If you're part of his family, that's great. But if you're somebody out to hurt him, we need to talk. Now.

We don't have friends.

[There it goes. The facade. All that's left is Zack - with all his rage, all his grief, and all his suspicion, which he keeps under a blank, cold face. This guy, Alex, has been following Ben, and Zack doesn't know who he is, can't figure out his motives.

But there's part of him too, enraged, at the very suggestion that he would hurt Ben. It's Logan all over again - all of them have found their Logans and he's been left behind.]

[It's almost a relief, when the mask falls away. It's a relief to know, not that he was right but that Zack is probably not a danger. He doesn't care about being right. He cares about Ben.]

[We, Zack said. Yeah. He's gotten that sense. They don't have friends - because they can't.]

Ben has me.

So you're not going to hurt him, is the sense I'm getting.

[Imagine the coldest, flattest glare you have received in your life. And then multiply it by ten. This is the expression Zack is currently giving you, Alex.]

Ben has me. He doesn't need you.

[Overprotective older brother mode? Go.]

[The look he gives in return is cool. Not angry, not yet, but it's not kind either.]

I don't agree.

You think it's enough just to protect him. I understand - I think on some level I understand - what you mean. But he doesn't have to be a soldier forever.

He needs friends just like he needs family. Having one doesn't mean the other isn't necessary.

[There's a pause - Ben's only told him a few names, but this one . . .]

[If he's wrong he's wrong.]

You're Zack, aren't you.

[Tersely:] I am X5-599.

[Zack is reserved for his family.

He stares back at Alex. His neighbour is giving him the same look Tinga's husband did. The one he sees on Logan, when he comes to check on Max when she's in trouble. Zack doesn't care anymore. Both his sisters are dead and he can't bring himself to care what these people think. If they afford any more slips, he's going to lose more members of his family. That can't be allowed to happen.]

How's that way of thinking working out for you, huh?

[Alex presses his lips together, but accepts it. This is not Ben. This is not his friend. This is his friend's family. Big difference. If Zack doesn't want to be Zack to anyone but Ben - fine.]

[But he's not letting it go all the way.]

Ben told me that you're the one who kept everyone safe.

[It means two things: he knows Zack's role, he understands on some level. And Ben has told him things. Ben trusts him, to some extent.]

It's working one day at a time, is how it's working. I'm still going. I'm still breathing. My people are still safe.

[Neither of which mean a thing to change Zack's opinion, or to make him trust Alex. He folds his arms and leans back; I am bigger and better than you.]

That's nice for you. But it only gets us killed. Or turned.

[This is the rage of someone who could not fulfill his sole job. The grief of a brother who has watched people be taken from him, and be powerless to stop it.]

Edited 2013-05-11 08:07 (UTC)

[A few weeks ago he might not have understood turned. Now there's a flicker of recognition in his eyes. He remembers. He knows, now, what PsyOps can do.]

Okay. Fine.

Do you want to argue about this, or do you want to keep Ben safe?

I'm already doing my job. All you people ever do is convince him he's broken. Even the goddamn Admiral.

[There's no calmness in his tone now, it's all cold fury. Not that Zack hadn't done the same, but he always came back to try again. It was always a matter of trying again, trying harder. He'd never have given up, even when Ben had.]

No.

[Alex shakes his head. There's genuine sadness in his eyes now, real worry. He can't hide it, and he doesn't want to.]

He's not broken. He's in pain. He needs help. But he's not broken.

Right now he's in danger because people are jumping to conclusions. This place doesn't work like what you're used to. Opinions can mean a lot, and you can't run from those. I'm trying to prove that he didn't do anything.

Are you going to help with that, or are you going to make some kind of screwed-up famous last stand that won't work anyway?

Edited (wtf anne) 2013-05-11 08:21 (UTC)

You don't understand. We will never be safe. [Still angry, but there's fear now, too - fear that Ben'll be taken away, sent to the Nomlies -- no that wasn't it, Zack didn't believe in that anymore, the word was decommissioned.

He made a last stand, for Max. He gave them his heart, for hers. He would do the same for Ben, in an instant.]

He's my little brother, and he's my responsibility.

[Everyone else go home 8|]

If he'll never be safe, I guess I'll work to make the impossible happen until the day I die.

[He is as far from joking as it's possible to be. Jaw set, eyes steel. This is what he does: he takes care of his people. If he can't, then God help him, he tries and he doesn't quit.]

Do you want to help clear his name or do you want him to be miserable?

[That gives him momentary pause, as he recognises the instinct. The promise. It tempers him, only a little. Unnoticeable to the common observer, perhaps, but to a kindred spirit like Alex, extremely obvious.]

His name will be cleared. I'll make sure of it.

[Help me or get out of my way.]

[Alex notices. It's not much, and he and Zack don't have the nonverbal understanding that he and Ben have carefully honed through months of sharing and careful arguments, boundaries drawn, common ground discovered. But he sees it, and on some level he understands the impulse, even the anger.]

[A year ago, a couple months ago, he wouldn't be able to do what he's about to do. Now, he takes a breath and lets it happen. Not for himself, definitely not for Zack, but for Ben, who is kind, and his friend.]

I'd like to help.

[He's halfway out of his chair when Alex speaks, and Zack looks at him, calculating. He's lost family. He's new on this ship. He needs allies. Ben might be... unstable sometimes but he's always known who to trust. He's always been a good soldier, not like Max.

(Logan had wanted to help, too.)

Zack sits down, leaning back still, hands shoved in his pockets.]

Fine. [It's not a concession, not by a long shot. He's adapting. He needs to.] A list of everyone who knows about the teeth.

I'll get it.

[Because despite the fact that it's a tall order, despite the fact that Alex doesn't really know what he's doing here, despite the fact that he's way out of his depth - he wasn't lying. He'll protect Ben any way he can until the day he dies. And he knows himself well enough to know that right now, he needs direction in that, so if Zack needs to play big bad brother, it's fine by him. For now.]

What else?

You get it, then we'll talk.

[Trust is something that has to be earned, and Alex doesn't have any of Zack's approval, not beyond the limited amount he gives to his siblings' friends.

Friends. Ben has friends. Somewhere in his heart he feels light, and then an immense weight that he couldn't do it, but this place could. Was that what Ben had needed? To come back to somewhere like Manticore? And grow up differently?]

You got it, Sam.

[Despite the jauntiness of his words, his tone and expression are serious. Sure, he's going to respect Zack's wish not to be called by the name that belongs to his family. That's fine. But Alex isn't going to call him X-5 anything, either, just like he insists that Ben not call him sir. He's nobody's sir, and he's never going to call anyone by a designation.]

[It's a small rebellion, a statement of place and purpose. He won't perpetuate the idea of Ben - or Zack - as a tool to be used.]

[And one more thing: he won't give away Zack's identity.]

[One word, one seemingly small choice can mean a lot, from him.]

[Zack stares. He doesn't know what that means, or where Alex is going with it. Fine. He can figure it out. Everybody's got a motive.]

How long since you decided to be his friend?

[The words are sharp, but there's a question under them too - how long have you been there for him?.]

[He shrugs, half-smiles. Talking about Ben, he's instantly relaxed.]

I didn't decide. We just started talking and it happened.

A couple months, though, I think. You should ask him, too.

[Zack sees it, and his first reaction is jealousy.]

It doesn't just happen.

[People have motives.]

[He shakes his head, leans forward slightly.]

You think you know everything about me after ten minutes? You think you know my experiences, why I do what I do?

[A defiant glare.]

I know your type.

My type.

[Unconsciously, he leans back and mimicking Zack's posture for earlier: one arm on the back of the chair, chin tilted up. Not aggressive, but taking up space.]

What type is that? Like you?

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