tolaywaste | 10. » private/video

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for ben

[His posture says it all: concerned, tense, but not afraid for his own safety. Not afraid at all. He's leaning towards the camera, though, like he can express worry just by being closer.]

Hey, Ben? I'm worried about you. Can you check in with me?

filter: bruce + rorschach + barbara

I'd like to help with Ben. I'm not as good at this as you all are, but point me where you need me and I'm there.

just bruce

Which means you're helping. He's my friend.

for oliver

I need your help with something, if you're willing to give it.

for charles

Check in. Did you hear about Ben?

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If he'll never be safe, I guess I'll work to make the impossible happen until the day I die.

[He is as far from joking as it's possible to be. Jaw set, eyes steel. This is what he does: he takes care of his people. If he can't, then God help him, he tries and he doesn't quit.]

Do you want to help clear his name or do you want him to be miserable?

[That gives him momentary pause, as he recognises the instinct. The promise. It tempers him, only a little. Unnoticeable to the common observer, perhaps, but to a kindred spirit like Alex, extremely obvious.]

His name will be cleared. I'll make sure of it.

[Help me or get out of my way.]

[Alex notices. It's not much, and he and Zack don't have the nonverbal understanding that he and Ben have carefully honed through months of sharing and careful arguments, boundaries drawn, common ground discovered. But he sees it, and on some level he understands the impulse, even the anger.]

[A year ago, a couple months ago, he wouldn't be able to do what he's about to do. Now, he takes a breath and lets it happen. Not for himself, definitely not for Zack, but for Ben, who is kind, and his friend.]

I'd like to help.

[He's halfway out of his chair when Alex speaks, and Zack looks at him, calculating. He's lost family. He's new on this ship. He needs allies. Ben might be... unstable sometimes but he's always known who to trust. He's always been a good soldier, not like Max.

(Logan had wanted to help, too.)

Zack sits down, leaning back still, hands shoved in his pockets.]

Fine. [It's not a concession, not by a long shot. He's adapting. He needs to.] A list of everyone who knows about the teeth.

I'll get it.

[Because despite the fact that it's a tall order, despite the fact that Alex doesn't really know what he's doing here, despite the fact that he's way out of his depth - he wasn't lying. He'll protect Ben any way he can until the day he dies. And he knows himself well enough to know that right now, he needs direction in that, so if Zack needs to play big bad brother, it's fine by him. For now.]

What else?

You get it, then we'll talk.

[Trust is something that has to be earned, and Alex doesn't have any of Zack's approval, not beyond the limited amount he gives to his siblings' friends.

Friends. Ben has friends. Somewhere in his heart he feels light, and then an immense weight that he couldn't do it, but this place could. Was that what Ben had needed? To come back to somewhere like Manticore? And grow up differently?]

You got it, Sam.

[Despite the jauntiness of his words, his tone and expression are serious. Sure, he's going to respect Zack's wish not to be called by the name that belongs to his family. That's fine. But Alex isn't going to call him X-5 anything, either, just like he insists that Ben not call him sir. He's nobody's sir, and he's never going to call anyone by a designation.]

[It's a small rebellion, a statement of place and purpose. He won't perpetuate the idea of Ben - or Zack - as a tool to be used.]

[And one more thing: he won't give away Zack's identity.]

[One word, one seemingly small choice can mean a lot, from him.]

[Zack stares. He doesn't know what that means, or where Alex is going with it. Fine. He can figure it out. Everybody's got a motive.]

How long since you decided to be his friend?

[The words are sharp, but there's a question under them too - how long have you been there for him?.]

[He shrugs, half-smiles. Talking about Ben, he's instantly relaxed.]

I didn't decide. We just started talking and it happened.

A couple months, though, I think. You should ask him, too.

[Zack sees it, and his first reaction is jealousy.]

It doesn't just happen.

[People have motives.]

[He shakes his head, leans forward slightly.]

You think you know everything about me after ten minutes? You think you know my experiences, why I do what I do?

[A defiant glare.]

I know your type.

My type.

[Unconsciously, he leans back and mimicking Zack's posture for earlier: one arm on the back of the chair, chin tilted up. Not aggressive, but taking up space.]

What type is that? Like you?

[In another life and time, he would have amused by the similarity.]

The type that thinks they can help him. Fix him. Newsflash. You can't. You don't know anything.

Do you just not listen or what? I don't think Ben's broken. I think he's had to live through things nobody should have to live through, and that they hurt him. I do want to help him. Doesn't mean I'm sure I can - which doesn't mean I won't try.

Ben asked me what it means to be friends. What I want is for him to know the answer to that question in his heart, without having to ask.

But you're right. I don't know. I didn't live through it, so I can never know like you do. I get that.

I listened.

[But there's a doctor, who said We'll get to the border, I can't live with myself if I don't help you, and Zack found a transmitter embedded into him. A setup. That's what they all did.]

I don't believe you.

[Alex just gives him an are you serious? look. Like this is the weirdest statement he's ever heard.]

Okay. Noted. Is this supposed to piss me off or what? Because whether you believe me or not, it is what it is. The point is that Ben is my friend. No matter what you think about that, it doesn't change a thing.

[honey badger don't care]

Sure. Only a matter of time before you get him killed.

Go to hell.

[It's knee-jerk, he can't not say it. But once he's said it, he realizes he meant it.]

[His next words are enunciated carefully: a declaration.]

I don't get my people killed.

Already there.

[aaaaand ragequitting. Walking away. Ignoring the second bit, because it hurts.]

I'll get you what you need to know.

[Not yelled after Zack; he doesn't care if he hears. He's saying it for himself. This is also a declaration - that his dislike for Zack has less than nothing to do with helping Ben. He'll do what he needs to do regardless.]

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