28. » voice + private

[tolaywaste]

What do you do about alternate worlds?

I mean, I get that . . . that's a really broad question. I know that. But there are people here who know about me from comic books, and they say, you know, I've done all these things that I can't imagine myself doing. That I love all these people I can't imagine knowing, much less loving.

I don't know. It never bothered me before, but now I can't stop thinking about it. I can't block it out. So what do I do with it?

private } ben

I think I'm changing my deal.

Comments

Private

[sssiiiiirrrrr]

My friend, Mister Bush, comes here familiar with a man who shares my name and face, while being many years my senior, and whose command he has been under for some time.

I fear I might have taken advantage of this impression this other man has had on him... [Aka: Horatio made the calculated decision to boss Bush around.] ...So I suppose the best suggestion I could offer, would be to take away from those other men whatever parts of them that you admire, and let them keep whatever you do not wish to be.

I would think of them as... men you could be, but for better or worse, who you are not yet.

Private

[tolaywaste]

Men I am not yet.

[This makes a sort of sense to Alex, but he feels himself railing against it anyway, for reasons he doesn't even partially understand.]

One of the men I could be is a leader. A good leader. And I thought I was working my way towards being that, but it's not a reachable goal, is it? You never get there.

[fridgetothefire]

You live.

You live your own life.

Easier said than done, I know.

[She was always supposed to die.]

[tolaywaste]

What's that?

Voice

[voluntaryapnea]

Ignoring it's probably for the best? I mean the comic book thing is definitely kind of strange, granted, but if it's not you, it's not you. You know? Don't stress out over it too much.

Voice

[tolaywaste]

How many alternate versions of yourself have you heard of?

[wedonot]

Take what advice you can from it, and keep living your life the way you choose to.

[tolaywaste]

I guess it's the choosing that's presenting a problem.

[myresponsibility]

Is burying your head in the sand an option? That's pretty much how I cope.

[tolaywaste]

[He laughs.]

It doesn't seem to be working for me so far. You?

[youwillgotohell]

Have you read any of them?

[tolaywaste]

No way.

[this_corrosion]

Lots of people like that here, apparently. I'd rather take a person's word over a comic.

[tolaywaste]

You wouldn't be weirded out at all?

[ Voice ]

[surfaceshine]

What can you do about it?

[ Voice ] why would you use that icon. ihu.

[tolaywaste]

I don't know. I can't do anything about it, except maybe stop thinking about it, but I can't even seem to do that.

[ Private : Voice ]

[warisart]

[He considers the public question, of course, but before he can come up with another answer or a clarifying question, the private message comes in and presents him with the obvious choice of response. His voice is always difficult to read, but Alex knows him well enough to detect traces of curiosity, concern, and alertness in the two syllables that are his name.]

Alex?

[ Private : Voice ]

[tolaywaste]

Hey.

[He sounds a little . . . tired, maybe, but not broken down. Or he's hiding his broken-down-ness well enough that it can't be seem.]

Hey, Ben. I'm okay. Mostly. [He's functional. He doesn't know if he's okay.] Are you okay?

Voice

[fireincarnate]

I don't know, I think you're pretty good at loving people.

Voice

[tolaywaste]

Thanks, I guess.

[He doesn't really know.]

[sickjoke]

I traveled a lot of worlds, looking for the right ones with heroes to help, once our forces were decimated. Hundreds of them. But even then, I didn't find all the variations of myself -- including the worst one.

Guess I got real lucky. [ He chuckles here, and it's warm and friendly. ]

Anyway-- what I mean to say is, your experiences are yours. No one can take them away or devalue them. They're unique to you, no matter how the mirror might be tilted on another world. Learn just enough, pass on the rest, and be glad you're who you are and who you've become.

[tolaywaste]

Yeah, I could be worse than I am. [He knows that already, but it doesn't hurt to be reminded. It's always more a matter of not being good enough.]

[He wonders if it's about what he's become or the process of becoming, as Horatio said.]

I hardly know anything about it. The other me, I mean. You're saying I should learn more?

[mistconduct]

You live your fucking life. Comic book timelines are so fucked up that it's impossible to keep anything straight in time for the next reboot.

I think your universe fractures into a new alternate like once a year. It's a mess. Ask me about the Phantom Zone sometime.

[tolaywaste]

Who calls anything a Phantom Zone? That's stupid.

[logistical]

I have met myself from another world. He became an ambassador, and led a life very different from mine, though it appears we had mutual associates.

If your life is not... this other person's, then you are not him. I admit that is a simplification, but I do yet know of another approach.

[tolaywaste]

Did you respect him? The other man.