[If Ben were privy to these thoughts, he wouldn't know what to do with them at all. He had, after all, given up and that is how he ended up here. He'd convinced himself that he was out of control, unsafe, a failure, and he had given up.
Now he sits quietly and considers Alex, who always reminded him of Zack, in a way. They both have the same complicated simplicity, the same thoughtful forcefulness, the same low opinion of themselves and their worth. They both think they are good only as shields, soaking up damage and dealing it back away from those they love, nothing more. They don't try to be more, and it is disheartening.
The awe, though, is offputting for a moment; not in an unpleasant way, merely that Ben has no idea what to do with it, except that it feels nice. He doesn't know why. There's the swift, silent flash of teeth visible just before Ben glances away, hiding the surprised grin in the crook of his elbow until he can get it back under control. It's dangerous, out here in the world, for an expression like that. It's dangerous to tell fanciful stories with his hands on the wall of a church where he enjoys being far too much.]
no subject
Now he sits quietly and considers Alex, who always reminded him of Zack, in a way. They both have the same complicated simplicity, the same thoughtful forcefulness, the same low opinion of themselves and their worth. They both think they are good only as shields, soaking up damage and dealing it back away from those they love, nothing more. They don't try to be more, and it is disheartening.
The awe, though, is offputting for a moment; not in an unpleasant way, merely that Ben has no idea what to do with it, except that it feels nice. He doesn't know why. There's the swift, silent flash of teeth visible just before Ben glances away, hiding the surprised grin in the crook of his elbow until he can get it back under control. It's dangerous, out here in the world, for an expression like that. It's dangerous to tell fanciful stories with his hands on the wall of a church where he enjoys being far too much.]
It isn't difficult. I could teach you.